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We knew that we had to go… we had to pay our respects. But, now over, how do I describe the experience. The best I can do is describe my feelings. Throughout the visit I had these waves of emotions… anger, despair and of course, sadness.

Anger
Why anger… I was angry at those visiting this sacred place and posed for cheesy photos in front of the railcar that once held 75-100 people condemned to die. Did they not get it? How do they smile in a place like this? I was also a little angry at the school kids that joked around in the courtyard shoving and laughing – but then I have to think, maybe at that age, the gravity of the situation needs to be broken up from time to time. I was also angry that this happened; that people allowed it to happen. And finally, I was angry that, now some 75 years later, we have not come that far in our thinking. We still hate and kill for no rational reason other than someone is different. I was not alone in my anger, He writes about feeling it too. See He’s blog post.

Despair
I believe that places hold energy. This place, the air and earth was saturated by the despair of hundreds of thousands of people slowly dying. Even after 75 years, I could still feel it in the spring air. My hands were cold the entire time… it was disturbing.

Sadness
Of course I felt sad. I was prepared for it… I even brought tissue and made sure that He had an extra handkerchief. But I found myself not shedding that many tears. Most of the time I felt like I was walking around in a state of horror and shock. The complex is unfortunately big and the tour guide keep us at a pretty good pace. However, I did have to take a moment to collect myself after visiting a dark room in the museum where they kept thousands of pounds of human hair. Shaved from the heads of the woman and children sent to the gas chambers – still braided.

I had mixed feelings about taking photos. But then I wanted people to see what I saw. The photos do not do it justice and for that I am sorry.

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